krunchypeanuts

Monday, October 28, 2002

this is an advert for a hospital...

taken from eric meyer
playing golf and having a great time at that whilst being ill. well, it could be a mental asylum anyway.. i imagine like plastic pink flamingos on the opposite side of the lake.. :)
i need someone to save me from my syntax module. it's killing me and possibly my chances at doing honors... oh dear. but no point worrying i guess, just got to mug this time round which i normally don't...

posted by happyhannon at 4:38 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

i've started painting my nails a new colour. it's called Peacock 54b... love the shade of blue on my nails. i need a change in my colour schemes. everywhere around me is green, brown, different shades of purple... but what other colors are out there anyway? yellow, orange.. silver? gold? black?. so i need someone to convince me if not nothing much is gonna change around here...

like that fact that these posts are getting fewer and shorter everyday...

no inclination to write anymore. as said before, there's so many more interesting things to do besides this blogger thing. i've lost my impetus to write, rant and create insipid tales about my life and others.. i'm not content to place my stake in this digital world.. or the world in general. something sadly is missing... like the missing something in bossa nova beats. they always seem to carry on without an ending to its bland sweetness..you feel that you can linger always within its syncopated beats but there's a dissatisfaction that's driving your discontentment and then .. bossa nova isn't enough anymore. this sweetening blend of blandness in life is not enough anymore. it's a blessed thing but not enough to make life meaningful.

so God... what's next? am i really prepared to step out of this? what do You think?

posted by happyhannon at 10:30 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, October 22, 2002

i feel that some radical change is going to take place... i don't know what it is. it could be just that i've had an 11 hours sleep, recovered from a bad bout of flue and diarrhoea and i'm feeling at my so called peak of physical and mental wellbeing.. i woke up and just went through my motions but somehow... i really feel something is different around me.

the change might not happen today but something has begun. something is on the move.

it's like i'm in one of those weird dreams i always have. a very strong sense of deja vu... it's a little eerie. the matrix scene comes to mind when morpheus says "ever had a dream that you thought was so real, only to wake up from it..." something like that.

well, this post is so wondrously vague today. :) a mystic spin to the ordinary events of life. just think that somehow we are all going through events and situations in our life that have been experienced one way or another by someone else.. just that some hardly have the courage to act out their desires or premonitions and everything recedes back to the commonplace... or those that do act out whatever is driving them to do so, ironically fade back too into the commonplace. everything seems to be veiled behind this peaceful semblance but to go behind the veil, to engage the undercurrents of this life...

hmm.. my brain's not exactly up to speed here so i cldn't finish my thought. :) anyway, the book i'm reading now would i guess be the closest thing that expresses what i'm feeling now...

posted by happyhannon at 10:39 AM 0 comments

Friday, October 18, 2002

my peace of mind is under threat.

- people have been asking me whether i've lost weight. well, i don't exactly check my weighing scales everyday so i always reply "don't know". i feel sensitive. it's like telling a girl that she's put on weight. there is a stigma in being thin and even some guys share this "stigma". i think it's a stigma when people just can't let things be. they have to point out, they have to say something about it to make sure they've got the difference between you and them established. it's sad. i don't think they genuinely are concern about me. if it's my close friend who said this, its ok with me most of the time but if it's just a classmate or stranger..
i've got to have some extra skin ingrafted in me.
- projects. my dad calls it leadership i call it stress. being put incharge of a project is major stressful. i don't like stress because i'm afraid i may lose weight and the reason is perfectly legitimate.

since people have been telling me that i'm too skinny and since they're pushing everyting to me...

why can't i just tell them off?

simple reductive statement... has no balls nor makes sense in real life. i need my peace of mind. i've got to stop worrying and learn to cope with stress levels and take care of my health. what do you think?

anyway the project with the MIA member is going well. everything's about done. we decided to give him another chance. and he's done his fair share of work so... :) things do work out in the end. oh and just something perky for you today. my computer connection was so slow yesterday and it was getting late. i was feeling really tired and wanted to sleep. so i laid hands on my computer and prayed that God would get the connection up to speed and make the circuits and program work. i wasn't thinking whether the prayer was going to work becoz by then i was so desperate, having spent 2 hrs in front of the computer and not getting anything done...

as you guessed.. the computer speeded up! yes no kidding you! after 2 hrs around 12 midnight. i would think traffic is at the highest then, no?

anyway, if my facts are wrong, and it wasn't really a miracle... but by then i was so happy so happy!! thanking God for everything... and it made my day so much better.. :)

posted by happyhannon at 5:28 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, October 15, 2002

"i live to worship you, i breathe to worship you..."
i thank you Lord that you've drawn me to your side once again.

there's project mate of mine who's been mia-ing on the entire group for weeks at a stretch. today was the dateline to come up with something concrete if not we told him that we'll have to exclude him from the group. he sent a copy of his work over to us via email and it wasn't very good/comprehensive (given that we all had the entire term to work on it). i talked to him, found out he has some family problems.

so i started to pray for him and it went something like this. "Lord please give xyz a peace of mind, your peace"... and then suddenly, i did a double take and realised that i wasn't giving him much peace of mind either by wanting to exclude him from the grp (although he did try). our group also thought of requesting the teacher to grade our sections individually and tt was just selfish to think about it.
well, i couldn't be the one who should be hindering God's answers. so i decided for myself and the rest of the group members decided too, to give him one more chance...

perhaps many people will say that what our group just did was plain foolish. like how can u trust a guy who hasn't been doing much work, doesn't attend lectures, group discussions, promises to get work done but never does previously... to do the work now? aren't we scared that we might get a worser grade just becoz of one person's inefficiency, laziness etc.?

but there is a hope in God. and somehow there is a peace from God when i finally did what i did (and the group too) that nothing can take away. i only pray that i will learn not to judge anyone and depend on the grace of God, more and more for every day of my life. i will keep everyone informed abt wat happens to the project. the dateline is this thurs and the presentation is saturday... i dnt feel so stressed anymore. now onto other assignments and stuff... :)

posted by happyhannon at 1:28 AM 0 comments

Friday, October 11, 2002

i'm getting alittle sick of this blogger thing. of perhaps.. blogging on the whole. considering the time spent here ranting and raving, that could be used much more productively... yeah like doing my assignments... actually reading stuff and getting something useful and interesting out of it... more time sleeping too... *yawns*.

i've been acting like a neurotic jerk the past week. highly strung and stressed out, said things i shouldn't be saying and so on. like for example. during my evolution bio class, my friend made this blooper in lect. and it was pretty exasperating for others, because she kept going at it and couldn't see what was wrong with it... so i laughed. i laughed loud and hearty and then, amost immediately i noticed that no one was laughing. i was not being sarcastic, just plain tickled. *sigh* not a good explanation and besides i know i don't have anything to laugh about and the most insensitive thing is to laugh at people who are at least brave to confront what they don't know.

so other neurotic things is like last night on the bus leaving school at 7.50pm i heard someone at the back of me, talking about the class we had before. and i turned around to see who it was, being amused that (yeah i'm easily amused kaz) someone's actually talking about class. i turned back once, i turned back twice to smile at her but i don't really think i pulled it off well and now my classmate might think i'm a wierdo.

but stress or no stress, i don't want to be neurotic. it's not cute, not endearing. it's in between what i want to be and what i really am. and it can get quite embarassing at times, and i feel embarass because i don't really know how to express myself and what comes out is this twisted thing.

on the optimistic side, i made a few people laugh even if its at my expense. :)

posted by happyhannon at 11:09 AM 0 comments

krunchypeanuts...once u pop u can't stop...daily trivia with a dose of social responsibility...a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down...let's say we try...oh Lord how we try...