north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

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Tuesday, June 06, 2006

i am severely distracted. i don't think i am living a normal life at the moment without my happyhannon, my xiongmao. he's gone to serve the nation and he's going to be running in some wild patch of forest for almost a week - no slacking off this time.

i'm not living a normal life in the sense that whenever i come home, i truly feel like there's something missing at home. i cook my dinner, watch a little tv and when it's almost time for bed, i can't believe that that's all to my life. Even reading the bible is getting very painful. I don't know how that is possible. I've not felt so aimless and "lost" for the longest time. When xiongmao was around, i'll be busy preparing the meals, cleaning up the rooms. And then he'll come home and i have to listen to him whine about his working life and enthuse abt cheap cd deals. and when it's time to sleep, we'll disturb each other playfully pinching noses and ears and whacking each other with pillows till we tire out and i'll fall asleep on his shoulders till i become uncomfortable then i'll return to my side of the bed. when he's still sleeping, i'll get up and read my bible and pray before beginning the morning chores or just getting my own breakfast. then somewhere in the middle of eating breakfast and reading newspapers, he'll appear and he'll have the bad habit of switching the tv on and i'll nag at him to get a life.

it's like i'm trying to find my daily rhythm all over again. it's like becoming single after a long relationship. and all u do really in your spare time is just dream about what he's doing, what his eyes look like and hope that you can fall asleep with that thought. Because then, you don't have to think what you need to do next to stop thinking about him.

boohoo.. i miss xiongmao. and all the things that come with the territory of keeping xiongmao - his inane music playing nonstop even when the tv's on, rubbing his paunch; watching him snack away and then later, having to take care of his stomach problems; dealing with the smelly socks beside the shoe rack; having xiongmao nag and pick up the clothes i throw on the floor; sharing the bathroom with xiongmao...

Labels: family

posted by happyhannon at 9:17 PM