north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.


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Tuesday, September 04, 2007

hello, it is now the time to move to a new blog so i did. it's gonna be something different, i hope.

http://thehouroffeeling.blogspot.com

Thursday, February 15, 2007

hello.. saying a tentative hello greeting to everyone coz i'm really torn - part of me just wants to curl up and die; the other part just wants a listening ear and hope for the best.

it's crappy work again. i say NOTHING in my life can make me so blue as work that is mindless, meaningless and constantly harassing you. Remember that big project i was involved with last year that i kept whining about? it returned to haunt me just last week and i'm still dealing with the aftermath of it today. apparantly, some budget thing did not go through last year and i was only notified last week.

it doesn't help when there are individuals who constantly remind you how much their students adore them and how quick they are at their marking (and how sllooww you are). and individuals who tell you point blank that you look like a stick.

it doesn't help too when there are outstanding health issues in my life that continue to bug me and worsen everytime i go through a period of stress.

my husband says that i can't take stress very well; He was quick to add that he could not as well so that was honest enough for me. I agree about me not handling stress well. today is slightly better than yesterday coz then, i was in the midst of having an emotional breakdown because of this recurring nightmare of this big project. Much better coz my husband was very patient in listening to me and though he never really has the right words to say but being able to be myself after all that preening and smiling in the office helped.

But in the midst of this i want to remember others as well who have great needs to. my friend sms me to wish me happy valentine's day and we shared abt how work sucked instead. my other friend is affected by the horrible comments of an ex and i have another friend whose mother was admitted in the hospital again because of a serious infection. and i have a friend whose birthday is tomorrow.

i shall continue to pray for all of them. i don't know about my problems though. i just want to leave when it's all done. to be honest, i think i'm very mediocre but that's alright. the thing that i don't think i will be able to live with is if my health worsens. getting depressed is fine. you have to be depressed from time to time to know that you're normal. but my health is something that i don't want to lay down on the line for, especially since i've been working in this line for at least 2 years. i've tried and hopefully, with His blessings, it's time to move on.

song for the day..

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

hey this is the song and the singer i was talking about in my posting on the japan trip. hope you like it! i actually prefer the faster songs but this is also quite nice. :)

Friday, January 26, 2007

Friday 5.28pm. I ended work at 2.45pm and went to get some groceries, claim a free gift from the insurance policy we signed up and now, back in time to have the tiMe to write something! finally.. Well, just want to share with you some of the extremely adorable pictures of my new rabbit! :) her name is bit bit. If i had my way i would have given her a better name than that! something more meaningful and endearing like .. bitsy! hahaha. ya i'm just as lame as the person who named her bit bit. she was an abandoned rabbit that the house rabbit society of singapore took in and fostered her out to one of their many volunteers. I saw her on their website and fell in love with the chocolate brown coat of delicious.. ermm (oh no sounds like she is edible) sweetness.. and my husband called the fosterer to arrange a date to bring her to our house.

It's been great since december. i love stroking her tiny forehead and running my fingers through her fur. She's got big brown eyes too and looking at them is very therapeutic. I've gotten her to eat from my lap and it's wonderful having a cute warm bundle of fur near you. better than a cat coz she's happy with the play pen area and won't be nosing around to destroy the furniture. better in a sense that her poop doesn't smell so bad like a cat and not as big and disgusting as a dog. she doesn't slobber over you and she doesn't crave for attention every second. when she's hyper active and she's been kept in the play pen for too long, she won't start going crazy and running and bumping into things. she jumps, prances, leaps, scurries, sniffs, wriggles her nose till she's all done with it then she'll lie under my shoe rack.

oookkkk... enough rabbit talk. i'm just so excited coz i never could keep a pet in my parent's house as they hate the mess that a pet would bring. but whenever i bend over to wipe the urine stain or pick up the small pellets of poop scattered across the floor and hold my breath to change the litter tray, it's worth it coz..

she's so cute!





Saturday, December 30, 2006

this is the last early morning that i'll enjoy; I'm typing this at close to 3am. And after this i'll tweak some of my lecture notes and email it to colleague. School is about to open in just a few days time. i'm not dreading it but let's just say that i'm simply allowing myself to be pushed forward, just drifting with the trash.

you won't believe what i just did. i read through the old messages of my literature honours group and spent an hour just reliving those moments. i don't know why i did that. perhaps to remind myself that there was once a time in my life where i knew i was living for a purpose? perhaps just a moment to keep my mind off the rut i'm in. I found myself laughing at old jokes, wondering from time to time what i was doing at the different times the messages were posted. Those weren't the best of times but they were comforting - i never felt more certain, confident and inspired.

But now somehow with work, with marriage, with bills to pay, with fewer friends and more strange faces, i've changed and i'm no longer that person. I've become more tired, selfish, quiet and reserved... dull. i tried writing - only once- during the holidays but after that my writing has completely dried up and there's nothing i want to write or think about.

certainly, this is not about laziness. there are more chores to do and greater responsibilities to shoulder. but somehow, that sense of purpose that lifts one's gaze above the crowd is gradually fading - only to be replaced by the curse of middleclass snobbery and complacency.

i don't have much expectatations for next year. Of course, miracles are always welcomed. Let's just say that a change in my circumstances might help to jolt my senses but don't be mistaken. i'm not just looking for a career change. i'm not looking for a brand new car. i'm not looking for another pot of plant to take care of or toy to keep my rabbit occupied. and i'm certainly not expecting that new pair of shoes or 10 dollar bowl of noodles for dinner everyday. I'm not looking for another project or cause to just occupy my time. i just want something more than all these things. And i can't seem to lay a finger on what that is.

i might spend the whole of 2007 just trying to figure out what i truly want. it's not a selfish wish for something that will make me feel warm and fuzzy and happy about the world. i wish that it'll do something to change me radically (for the better) so that i will be of better use to God and to those around me.

Anyway, here's wishing you the reader a happy new year. When we can still breath and see the sun rise and moan and groan to the toilet, when the weather is back to its terrible hot and humid temperament and when the husband once again forgets his daily chores, then life is just as it should be and that's just a miracle in itself. blah blah the end! 3.15am

 

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wired fiction
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power of the
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krunchypeanuts...once u pop u can't stop...daily trivia with a dose of social responsibility...a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down...let's say we try...oh Lord how we try...