north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

it was really strange to read all the health ailments in the newspaper and find myself trying to match the symptoms they presented to my current health condition. And so today i found out that i might be slightly autistic at times, suffering slightly from bipolar disorder and experiencing impending heart-attack sensations all my life.

I never really thought how much i valued my health until today, when i was conducting this witch hunt and just took a step back. And these thoughts that are congealing could also be a reflection of another article i read in the newspaper too... how a woman discovered that her deceased father's body had been unearthed or stolen from the funeral parlour three years ago so that unethical people can sell his bones and skin tissue to people in need of transplants. And even as she talked about the ethical implications of these thefts, she mentioned that the resurfacing of her father's body was an uncomfortable thought that lingered in her mind for three months - the thought of her father's dying moments and reliving the grief of losing her father again.

how are these two different events related? I'm not too sure. perhaps i sense my own mortality? perhaps i'm terrified to the core of seeing my life tunneling into unending rounds of hospitalisation. And perhaps i hope that when i do pass away, that i'll be missed but not missed too much. people need to move on with life and they have so much to be and to do that to remember me really does not matter in the grander scheme of things. i will not be there anyway to feel flattered or shamed when they remember me. Whatever the case, my body will one day give up on me and i pray on that day, i will still have Jesus in my mind, in my heart and in my life.

Labels: inspiration

posted by happyhannon at 6:09 PM