krunchypeanuts

Monday, March 13, 2006

this is the start of the D-camp, a 2 days-1 night event. "D" stands for the name of my cca which i'm assisting in. I don't have much to say except... that God give me the courage to speak up when it is necessary (such as in situations where I can actively play a part in shaping) and the faith to believe and trust in Him always (whenever i feel like throwing in the towel). And of course, that my students will all be of good health and that there will be no accidents too.
Labels: the teacher's attendance book

posted by happyhannon at 8:55 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

it was really strange to read all the health ailments in the newspaper and find myself trying to match the symptoms they presented to my current health condition. And so today i found out that i might be slightly autistic at times, suffering slightly from bipolar disorder and experiencing impending heart-attack sensations all my life.

I never really thought how much i valued my health until today, when i was conducting this witch hunt and just took a step back. And these thoughts that are congealing could also be a reflection of another article i read in the newspaper too... how a woman discovered that her deceased father's body had been unearthed or stolen from the funeral parlour three years ago so that unethical people can sell his bones and skin tissue to people in need of transplants. And even as she talked about the ethical implications of these thefts, she mentioned that the resurfacing of her father's body was an uncomfortable thought that lingered in her mind for three months - the thought of her father's dying moments and reliving the grief of losing her father again.

how are these two different events related? I'm not too sure. perhaps i sense my own mortality? perhaps i'm terrified to the core of seeing my life tunneling into unending rounds of hospitalisation. And perhaps i hope that when i do pass away, that i'll be missed but not missed too much. people need to move on with life and they have so much to be and to do that to remember me really does not matter in the grander scheme of things. i will not be there anyway to feel flattered or shamed when they remember me. Whatever the case, my body will one day give up on me and i pray on that day, i will still have Jesus in my mind, in my heart and in my life.
Labels: inspiration

posted by happyhannon at 6:09 PM 0 comments

Thursday, March 02, 2006

i've got joy.. and it's all bubbling up inside. la di da.

Oh well, i'm feeling really relieved. Last night, i stayed up to finish marking my last stack of student assignments till 2am. And that sense of completion was such a weight off my mind. i have nothing truly inspiring happening at the moment but who cares. the insignificant details in life are all wonderful bite sizes for me right now.

I'm beginning to pray again. Reading arthur katz's books again somehow has stirred something in my soul. I feel like i'm finally stepping over a barrier that has been in my life for quite some time and all this has nothing to do with my striving or grovelling on the ground. The time i spent in frustration has led me to a single conclusion of how i am truly empty without Christ in my life. There is not a thing in this world that can comfort me and pull me through, except the thought that there is a life to live in eternity, a life that is to be lived in a kingdom where He reigns, where love never fails and goodness is actually palatable to the senses... sweetness at every turn. My identification with that fact is slowly but surely changing and turning my life around. And I thank God for the frustrations that lent me this opportunity.

Katz said that the church has to grapple and own this concept of eternity, if it wishes to be the apostolic church called by God that will truly astound the world. And that is something i wish that my writings will also be a vessel of. I think that every true poet has moments of brushes with the eternal realm of God. Not to mean that poets merely articulate what is universally recognised by men but poets, those that i identify with, may have found in moments, the ability to contain the potential and power of the eternal and everlasting in the fraility of language that crumbles away like dust. It is almost as if the grace of God has been given such that earthly frames can contain the reality and power of God.

sorry for rambling. But it never ceases to amaze me how the word/Word can contain all the workings and miracles of God. And i just have to write it down even though it may seem like jibberish and foolish talk, so that i can understand this a whole lot better when next i read it again.
Labels: inspiration

posted by happyhannon at 9:50 PM 0 comments

krunchypeanuts...once u pop u can't stop...daily trivia with a dose of social responsibility...a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down...let's say we try...oh Lord how we try...