krunchypeanuts

Monday, January 30, 2006

It's lunch time. Waiting for the rice to be cooked, I wanted to read a book just to pass the time. And despite the many books on my bookshelf that have not been read, the only book that presents itself to my mind and interest is "Lord of the Rings". There's "Gilead", some pulitzer prize winning novel that i've read half way through. Then there's a whole lot of christian books that i've collected, glanced at but never read through. Why "Lord of the Rings"???

posted by happyhannon at 1:53 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

well still in school. I planned to go to my churchwide prayer this night. But the students from my cca will be using the debate room quite late to prepare for their NCS Challenge Shield. Since my friend who is IC was on MC, i thought that it was my responsibility to stay back a little longer. So, I can't go to the meeting.

And that makes me sad. Especially when I know Pastor Reggie Smith is coming to the church to minister in worship. He's an anointed man and his worship on the keyboards is simple but the songs are so impactful and full of the holy spirit. I don't know if i'm compromising here.

I'm now at my work station. And i'm listening to the past sermons recorded from my church that has been uploaded onto the net. In particular, i am listening to samuel doctorian's message on "The Second Touch" and it has inspired me to write this post. Normally, my rule of thumb in writing (which is pretty commonsensical i think) is that i only write if i'm inspired. It doesn't matter if i look back later and think that it was really junk. That's where editing comes in.

Anyway, I am inspired as i'm listening to this message again. I heard it during service but it's being renewed to me even as i type (i'm listening at the same time). Hearing his many testimonies about the touch of God, the power of God, the grace of God, the omnipotence of God, something clicked in me. The ways of God are so much greater than what i can possibly comprehend or conceive. This mundane life that seems to drag itself through its exhaustion, without immediate relief in sight... Oh there's so much more than this. And I'm not desperate for it, without hope. I am desperate for it because it is a reality that is conceivable and ever so concrete before my eyes. Although i'm not there yet, i know He is faithful to finish the work He began in me.
Labels: the teacher's attendance book

posted by happyhannon at 5:47 PM 0 comments

Saturday, January 14, 2006

oh man... i can't believe this but i've slept for only 6 hours and i still feel rather refreshed!?! When once i needed 7 to 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep to feel my best, now... i just need 6?? I'm not very persuaded that i've aged (old people tend to sleep less) and that my body rhythms are changing... I'll just have to wait till afternoon to see if i will still be in my perky, radiant self here.

Yesterday was really fun for me. Well, it didn't really start out in that way but it ended very well. I knocked off from work at 6pm to go for church group. The message was encouraging being about Daniel11:32... something along the lines of those who know God will do great exploits. I tried to share what's been in my heart for the couple of weeks but i fumbled. As i was elaborating to my friends some parts of my situation, i was struggling with the thought of whether to reveal everything because i was afraid that they will not understand and judge me. So in my chicken-heartedness, i only settled for the half truth. At the end of my sharing, i felt horrible... not because my friends seemed stunned at what i said but that i could not share all that was in my heart: the longing, the hope, the dreams, the promises, the fear. i just could not and felt gagged. That these are things that are inflicted by me, only makes this whole episode even stranger and pathetic.

So feeling that way, i left church group and went to meet up my friend at Bishan olio dome cafe. I was late as usual due to my inability to pull out of engagements. It's just so awkward to leave a meeting for something that has happened if that something is not an emergency. perhaps the questioning of others as to why you are leaving makes it so and your imagination of what's unsaid sends you on a guilt trip. BUT... i had an excellent time with my girlfriend!! we talked and talked till nearly one. talked about guys, about God, about jobs, about friends... we trashed out everything and i was comforted by her faith and hope in God. Times like these when you can just be absolutely comfortable with someone and talk your heart out makes me very thankful.

I know i'm struggling with my own self-consciousness and inadequacy but based on what happened last night? I think that there's still hope for people like me. And coming back to the verse that was shared in church group (Daniel11:32), i know that there is a place for me in the plans of God. Even if only a few do see it and i don't get my affirmation from my entire world, that makes the whole process only sweeter. i will treasure this.
Labels: inspiration

posted by happyhannon at 10:12 AM 0 comments

Friday, January 06, 2006

The first week in school has been a breeze, such that i've been surviving on 5-6 hours of sleep every night and still can function like a normal human being... hmm whatever that means.

My husband had his friend over last night and I knew he had lots of fun. For the first time in a long while, i have not heard him laugh so loud and long. I guess he really needed to get out of this couple-dom that we have and just have some plain silly fun. I must admit i'm not the most fun person to be with. With my convictions about certain things (like drinking and dancing the night away in a club), i don't really have "fun" in the conventional sense. I do like a game of badminton or two with friends and just chilling out at the park or at a beach would be great as well. But hubby doesn't like the beach and won't play badminton till the quality graded racquets can be bought and all the relevant paraphernalia.. So simply put, he's not interested.

And i'm a stingy poker. So give me books, coffee, chocolate, a bicycle, a bus/ferry ticket to an island and my husband who won't start pining for the city again and i think.. that is all the fun i need. By the time his friend was about to leave, i was happily enjoying the silence of my thoughts and the sleep that's slowly enveloping me. It was a wonderful sensation. I didn't even know his friend was leaving, didn't hear hannon coming into the room. I woke up only when he kissed me and said i love you.

posted by happyhannon at 10:29 AM 0 comments

krunchypeanuts...once u pop u can't stop...daily trivia with a dose of social responsibility...a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down...let's say we try...oh Lord how we try...