north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

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Monday, December 12, 2005

This year has been very eventful for me.

• I got married
• Graduated and started my new job as a teacher
• bought a house that flooded on the 2nd day i moved in
• crashed the front left indicator of my car
• got nearly stranded in Bangkok airport with no return flight home
• came to the end of serving in the tertiary ministry and have not started on any new one since.
• changed cell group

wELL, if you have been reading this long enough, you would probably know that the question which continually haunts me is the "why" question. Why are these things happening to me all at one time? Why has God planned these things in this way?

To help me answer these questions, I thought of approaching them in two ways. For one, I've decided not to keep score of the so called "bad" things that have happened to me. I realised this when i was stranded in Bangkok and all that my panicking mind could think of was the time when my house flooded. "Another notch on my belt of disasters"? I want to just stop keeping score.

The second thing that I realised has nothing to do with my wonderful power of reasoning. I was really depressed after the Bangkok trip. I could not believe that such a thing had happened and worst of all, I could not understand why. There are several really rational reasons like how i'm truly not capable and a completely green horn at this. But these rational reasons weren't helping with the depression and self-pity. So i prayed and asked God with a great sense of frustration, confusion and helplessness: Why are these things happening.

And the strangest thought came into my mind. "So that I can show my love towards you". To me, that was a powerful statement. It not only changed my perspective on how i understand and view these events but it put an end to all the self-loathing and pitying. It gave me faith to believe that everything is in the hand of a Sovereign God and the best part of it all, is that this Almighty God would love me even when I had nothing to offer and was perhaps really a green horn and incapable fool.

I love that! In fact, as a personal statement and reflection of this year, I would say "2005- the year that was crowned with God's love".

posted by happyhannon at 11:32 PM