north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

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Sunday, March 06, 2005

trouble in love land again. its been a long time since a kiss has really thrilled me. And what's even more pathetic is that i only realised this when i was watching the movie "hitch". the reasons for why we've ended up in this state... could be that the both of us are so stressed up with work, distracted by a thousand and one things... We are still best buddies and we both know that we love each other. Maybe im just incredibly needy and clingy, always wanting one more hug, one more kiss.

I just want more time for us to be together, to enjoy each other's company without it being adulterated by our gadgets, by our different hobbies... I want time for us to actually be still and be intimate without rushing into the next item or any hindrance caused by our anxieties.

i really miss my babes. But for the last few months, i can't believe that i was not even aware of the lack of intimacy between us. Im not talking abt a romp in bed but im talking perhaps abt rather girly affections like giving and receiving kisses, holding hands and enjoying a romantic moment.

i miss him so much. but everytime, i try to tell him what it is i want exactly (coz sometimes as a man, he just doesn't understand the way i tick), i end up doing two things. One is i tell him what i want but when he does not succeed, i dnt have the heart to tell him that he hasn't and to try again. Two is i don't tell him at all coz i am afraid that once again, he can't give me what i will like to have.

hmm. but enough of me. i'll be praying for him everyday. I know my marriage date is coming soon and it sucks to feel like this at the moment. i think i'll be able to snap out of it. Already, i think what i've just described in all those paragraphs was more of a pursuit after a certain feeling rather than a person. Perhaps i need a paradigm shift on my concept of love. And perhaps, i dnt love my babes as much as i thought i did. Btw, dnt ask me again if i'm excited abt my wedding or not. my plate is already full as it stands. im just glad things are falling into place rather easily and effortlessly. That's all i will say for now.

posted by happyhannon at 12:07 AM