Tuesday, April 13, 2004
writing this post at the prospect of being nagged at again by mum coz the aircon is sucking up all the money in my room whilst i'm just like a metre away from the door, typing this. hehe. so what's new? you will be facing some difficulty trying to reach me this week at least. i have left my hph at my bf house. we had a superb bash playing star wars monopoly! woah too cool for me. though i'm not a big star wars fan but it was strangely cool just playing with the little metal figurines of darth vadar and princess leia, having to pay tribute of 100 bucks to fatty lard jabba and buying up the imperial palace at corusca. then we completely vegged out watching all the pirated videos like matrix revolutions, return of the king and .. school of rock! that movie with Jack Black's wacky performance is unbelievable. where have you been all my life jack?
ok what's new. mmm the thesis is finally done. i regret not writing my acknowledgements which proves wat a big jerk i am. i realised these days that i'm not the nicest person cos there's this person in school, whose name i forgot, who i know quite well but not too familiar, who is a nice person, who i see everyday in school but always avert my eyes whenever i bump into her. this is one mistake that's been drumming into my brain. i want to set things aright. i want to stop being a jerk. so i'm going to school tomorrow and if i bump into her, i will be a civilised human being who can say "hi" and "sorry" in a most genuine manner. bound to be snubbed but better than not doing anything about it.
what's new... i resisted the urge to flee and stood my ground to shoulder the load and move on. somehow, it made sense to me that one of the major reasons why i always dream of running away, fleeing from situations and generally start ranting in my diary, filling it with inane crap, is that i refuse to work. i refuse to meet the situation head on, accept it or fight it with the grace and wisdom of God and just carry on moving. i can't remember the specific example that triggered this epiphany but you guessed it, it had something to do with my parents as usual... And it had something to do with my babes too. He has been facing a lot of work pressure lately that he began to feel depressed and even when the pressure has lightened up a little, he still feels the same way. My take on it is that its not just the pressure that's making him depressed. it's just the idea of work. work that never seems to end. work that continually barks up your ass and the only free time you have, you find yourself in front of the tv, making your love ones frustrated with you at your stubborn silence.
well. work shall never do me in. whatever the curse that work has on our lives, someone just has to start living differently.. start that relentless search for answers and being humble to learn when things don't go the way we expect them to. no more eliot whining in the four quartets. no more of his philosophical ramblings that causes concussions. malfunctioning of the left hemisphere. no more eliot. more of neruda.. hmm.. more of the psalms, more of that Good Word.
alright. so many things to accomplish in this life, not for our sakes alone but for those who might/will come after us and so on. but ultimately, more for Him and the love He has shown to us. btw, i made this pamphlet for my church camp but now i think it's too raunchy. i'll try to put it up here when i've got the time coz now, i need to get back to Inferno. exam on saturday. tomorrow, the library and corridors of NUS.. and a nice cup of coffee.. mm cookies..
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