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Tuesday, February 17, 2004

i'm caught in a dilemma. my sup just told me to get my third draft 3000 words handed to him in 5 days. i have to do an essay 2000words by friday but even earlier than that because i have a presentation discussion on thursday. i have a church lesson tonight at 7.30pm which i signed up on a last minute basis. AND THEN, i have another church meeting tomorrow at 5pm. it does not help that church is 45 -60 min away from home. 45-60min away from school...

what on earth am i going to do? i am very very very torn. it's stupid to write this even now given that i'm so presssed for time but i have to think through this! i guess i can push my essay to tonight. but i don't know if i can summon up enough energy to remain focus. i would probably reach home only by 11 plus. i would have to pull an all-nighter but then... that won't be enough coz i have to review whatever i've written. i need at least one review. but i don't have time for tat because i have to read up all my blake stuff for the presentation discussion the next day (thursday). How can i possibly cram in one review and all the blardy readings, taking into consideration the fact that i've got a blardy meeting in church that very wednesday night...

shit. i forgot. i have to write a church article by this week end. i have to prepare for ANOTHER meeting this sunday 2pm. i am so tieed up in these pathetic knots.. that i'm frankly going crazy.

i could just jolly well tell them that i can't attend all the four lessons afterall. but what will that say about me? very bad reputation. not trustworthy. fickle. what the fish am i doing!!?

i've spent 5 minutes freakin out and the only conclusion i've come to is one that i don't like. cancel the blardy lessons. cancel on the reputation. admit that i'm human and that i can't handle everything. admit that i don't have the faith to believe that i can do everything.

basically. i'm very screwed up today. and i still don't know wat to do. hate to disappoint, can't live up to expectations.. times like these you wish God would speak in a booming voice and knock the senses out of you so you don't have the luxury and capacity to think and become an automaton.

i wish.

posted by happyhannon at 6:28 PM