north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

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Monday, October 27, 2003

I'm so alive and kicking right now. When i got home from school, i proceeded to clock 3 hours worth of tv. something tells me that i've just wasted my life away. I feel it even right now coz i could have used those hours to catch a nap... or as the still small voice says to me, "How about spending a little more time with Me?"...

and now.. nothing seems to be coming to my mind. Of course, things have happened since my last post. like how me and my babes have been trying so hard to catch a movie but one thing or another would come in the way. i was sick at first but the poor thing is now sick too. Then a large group of china students received salvation. Meanwhile, I was trying to salvage the remains of my thoughts for my crit theory essay. As much as I could, i tried to be involved in other people's lives than myself. Like when i was about to rant to my babes about several horrid things, i started by saying
"You know what..." But when he replied "what?", i just felt the urge not to rant. I realised that I was going to speak about depressing stuff when there was really no need to. I knew what I had to do in the circumstances; i also knew that i was overreacting alittle. And I knew that since i spend so little time with my dear, that every effort should be made to treasure the time we spend together.

So I said "I love you very much". even when i said that, it sounded quite abrupt but i did something right for once. I felt so happy and for the first time in a very long while, relief. Like a load was off my shoulders. Knowing that i'm doing the right thing is a rare thing for me. Most of the time in life, i just bash my way through things, crossing my fingers in the hope that what I'm doing is right and in God's will, waiting for that moment of clarity and trying not to fidget or kick up a fuss in the mean time. Or simply slack in the insipid flow of sloth... like today.

But i'll just hang in there. Sometimes when you don't know what to do, the best thing is to do nothing and just hold on. :) Alrighty then...

posted by happyhannon at 8:24 PM