krunchypeanuts

Thursday, October 02, 2003

i'm certainly not in the mood right now to start on my research methodology essay. i'm listening to some brazillian music and it's making me in the mood for a siesta but it's too late for that since it's already 5pm. mum may not be coming back to cook me dinner. she certainly is not obligated to do so. Brazillian music is quite depressing. ever though sometimes the bossa nova beats make your feet tap on the train, yet there'll be a chord or two that would taint the mindless, carefree rhythms with a tinge of sadness. one or two phrases will let some sweetness sweep by but it comes and goes so quickly that it makes the music much more sorrowful.

i was listening to my chris botti "night sessions" a few weeks ago, when my cousin was still living in our apartment. He thought it was depressing which was something that never occurred to my mind. perhaps what was depressing to him was actually rather uplifting to me. there are some things that never are expressed in ordinary events and circumstances. For me, these are the very things that i can never find words to describe since in the first place, no one's really interested to know and secondly, there isn't much time to think about it. As the trumpet sustains a note or when the cellist draws upon the strings in a gentle insistence that the high notes reach the ears like the peak of a wave, like the light that shimmers across the water and the camera suddenly swivels its lens and focuses on the glazed look of moon and stars above... i find that there is something in this earth that just echoes how i feel when at last, i am alone.

ok but i miss my babes! oh gosh he's going to some island in malaysia. how i envy! i long the sun and swimsuit and sun block lotion. i long just for something to make me throw my arms in the air and say "You win!" so that i could be dragged across the causeway. he will be gone and i wish i could go. i don't want to be alone. i don't want to get used to the idea of being alone. already we see each other once, twice the most a week...

hmm. written enough. the cd is finished!! i need something more uplifting. maybe silence for once.

posted by happyhannon at 5:26 PM

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