north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

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Tuesday, September 30, 2003

oops. the handphone bill came in and my dad lectured me about the 70 bucks. i just kept quiet, grunted my replies of regret and slurped at my porridge. the porridge was awesome. Mum had fried the pork and she slipped the gravy into the soup that made it so delicious, the rice soaked up all that goodness and i'm just in bliss over porridge. whenever my parents nag, i really truly have the desire to get things right the next time because i can't stand the nagging. it's as simple as that. But not that simple when i was younger as most of the time i'll be shouting and ranting at the top of my voice, trying in vain to drown out the cacophony. haha. looking back it must have been really hilarious.

anyway i'm reading cyril wong's works, looking for things to think and write for my thesis. i think they are pretty amazing. yes, but only those from "the end of the orbit". there things are not too prosaic; sometimes having an ironic element and lots of tension. when i read other poet's works, i am often tempted to reflect a little on what i have ever written. it's often that i feel ashame of what i write and dare call poetry. seems as if i'm stuck on some level of dante's hell, never able to transcend the bondages of the mind to write things as they are but not quite.

perhaps if i book myself on a flight to some idyllic island where there is a coffee machine on standby, japanese tea in the cupboard and bbq seafood everynight. ahhh... :) i can't seem to figure out whether i'm in love with the words or with the life. Or whether these are the things that make up my particular level in hell. very pathetic...

posted by happyhannon at 3:09 PM