north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

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Wednesday, August 20, 2003

ooohh.. now for a quickie dose of blogging. After this i'll be rushing to school for my critical theory class where my brains would do a triple sommersault and end up on its belly. hehe i don't know what that means.

last night my mum and dad had another one of their quarrels. i know that sentence is supposed to sound so blase, like these things happen all the time in my household and i'm immune to it. But i'm not quite immune to such things. How can one ever be numb to the pain of others? I don't really believe in stoicism but sometimes, when one is out of strength, it is a convenient thing to fall back upon. Anyway back to topic of my parents quarrelling. This time they were quarreling about the phone calls my dad has been making to the philippines, about the suspicious additional handphone and no. my dad has been keeping. In other words, my dad is still in contact with the woman he had an affair with.

This woman has a name of course. but i don't want to give her the dignity of saying her name.

I'm sad that my dad doesn't love my mum anymore. Even more sad that my mum has to go through so much pain. But through the whole painful process, i can say that my mum is becoming a better person. As they quarrelled, i prayed for them. but after awhile, when the quarrel showed no signs of abating, i stopped praying because i realised that i had to get on with my own life like for one doing my readings and assignments...

life still goes on. i just do my part in this whole situation. Though i can't see the promised end, my parents reconciling and loving each other again, i at least am comforted by the fact that God is in control of the situation. sorry if this sounds preachy to you but writing this down serves as a faithful reminder to myself. whenever i'm in doubt, worry or sad, i know that i can trust Him for all things.

today i woke up and found my dad's lotions and sprays in the living room laying on the floor. Some pillows and a neatly folded blanket were left on the sofa. my dad is a neat and organised kind of person. somehow, i feel these are the only things he is in control of. He has the tendency to rely solely on his own sense of judgement and rational conclusions about matters. That would be a good balance to my mum's passionate temperaments but sadly, both are in their own extremes..

oopsie. i wonder where all this is leading. gotta go grab lunch and off to school.

from my rambling thoughts to you with love.

posted by happyhannon at 11:09 AM