north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

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Thursday, February 27, 2003

aloha! if you're wondering, i'm alive and well. i've been whining to many people these past few days how i'm so not enjoying my break, busy with projects, assignments etc. well thank God coz i oso got sick of it myself and now i'm just.. happy. :) hannon was commenting that i seem to get so freakin excited o'er little things. i was oooing and ahhhing over the new lip balm in body shop, gushing along with the salesgirl how amazing a little tub of goo can be. but i'm just glad to be glad about the little things, even though that means i will look geena and silly. as i finished up my report with my friend, we cracked the most incredibly corny jokes that made me laughed so hard and carefree... i can't even remember when i had such a good laugh.

I guess many things are changing for me. i never thought i'll want to teach but now i do. i have applied to MOE and they have just sent me a letter of acknowledgement. i'll be waiting for the interview... Then i've also recently realised how pleasing others can be such a chore. I didn't go for my church prayer meeting because i was tired. But the whole mental struggle i had to go through to reach such a simple conclusion would make your mind boggle. Cutting the long story short, I realised I was striving to be the best, "the best" as defined by most people. But sometimes the standards are so regimental that if you don't do this or that, you'll not be fit for anything better. Worse, i just had no real desire to follow all these standards and found myself, dragging my ass to do these things becoz if i don't do them, i'll be judged by people...

So i'm sick of all these mind games and psycho-chains. i know what i have to do. i just have to do those things that i know are right, even though no one thinks they're worth doing and even mistake them as mere "distractions" from the real goals in life. Well guess what, i didn't go to the church meeting so i could meet my boyfriend, encourage him in his work, find out more about his spiritual life. At the same time, i managed to reach home early and get my school work done. He met me too because he didn't want to sit with his colleagues and drink the entire night away.

I hope i've taken a step forward and broke several chains that have made my life several shades greyer. :)
aND now b@ck to wORK...

posted by happyhannon at 10:35 PM