north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

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Saturday, January 25, 2003

tonight is very special. coz after basically a really hectic day, rushing to lessons, getting readings done and studying outside... i've got now some time to spend with my God. i'm actually quite tired and want to sleep. but i slipped a christian cd into my com and i'm hooked. so i tht i'll just stay here a little longer, and write this blog too. God's deposited something in my heart today. i'm scared and i am insecure about the matter. but i want to be faithful and i just can't stand the divide that separates us at times. can we live under His shadow everyday? I know we need faith and the grace of God to do that. but the dissatisfaction of the way i live my life at times, the way i just seem to be sprouting theories and doctrines but unable to live them out...

this is the very thing that keeps me going. this is the very thing that makes sense to me. why i exist. why i go through crazy shit. why i can't give up. the possibility of being more than what i think i am capable of. it is not just the grace and not just about the striving either. if you put the striving and the grace together, i'll say i'm laboring to enter into his rest everyday.

whenever i follow my dad in the early mornings to school. i will always alight at the bus-stop near the bus terminal and walk up the path that is lined with trees ladened with yellow flowers. perhaps it is the early hours when everything is relatively quiet, but whenever i walk on the path that leads to the main buildings, i'll start thinking about God. Thanking him for the trees and the way the sky looks (which can be white becoz of the blanket of clouds or bright blue with streaking clouds), thanking him for the chance he has given me today to walk this path. and this blissful period will last till i finally reach the old admin building. i'm going to take pictures so you can see my early morning pilgrimages...

posted by happyhannon at 2:08 AM