north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

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Tuesday, November 12, 2002

i wanted to go to the esplanade library to study, but was deterred by this sharp pain in my eye. contact lenses... not wearing them for almost 2 weeks did in some sense affected my mood. i'm vain what can i say.
so i didn't study in the end, went window shopping, bought some groceries so i could pig out over lunch at home. did i mention.. that i have an exam on thursday.. :) i have no idea how i'm going to do it but i'll do it all the same. exams end on the 22nd and then it's a long last return to vegetating at home. watching travel series on discovery channel. visiting library borrowing books. maybe i should cook myself a good meal or two. then going bust over coffees and cds and good food... *daydreams*

butuntil then there's the exam. oh and my parents want my sis and me to celebrate their anniversary. my mums seems to be the main driving force behind the whole thing. frankly am quite irritated by the whole big hoohaa she's making over this event. according to my perhaps askewed perspective on things, she seems to be doing this for my dad. make him feel belonged to the home. help him to feel accepted after that affair he had. to overcome guilt, to love...

oh boy. it's all good but the feeling is so icky and i just roll my eyes. we even have to buy presents for them? hmm. i don't understand the logic. "bravo! both of you have kept at it for eons and eons and when the going got tough, you both got over it excellently!".
ass. i need a present for putting up with her constant outpouring of laments, tears and basically melodrama.

cynically, i hope they just get back together so i can start living my own life. ... whatever that life means.

but something always pulls me back. perhaps it's the regret i know i will feel when i pull off a similar fit like my mum. i don't know what to do at times. throwing fits never made me feel better. i did it once but the problem came back to me. that is i told my mum i had enough of her whining to me and expecting me to remain neutral to everything, to even understand her... and she took it all in, only to return a few weeks later to "share"..

i really don't know wat to do at times. but i do know that bad times come and they can go. they will go.. just a matter of when.. somehow all this is going to end.. meanwhile, will patiently ride out the storm. pray. have my cup of coffee. and just enjoy the rest of my life...

posted by happyhannon at 8:08 PM