north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

May 2002
June 2002
July 2002
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
September 2007

Thursday, September 19, 2002

i've got nothing to write up here today. yesterday, i tried to enter a post from my com at home and the website just fed me continuously with those error messages. things definately do not seem to be working well around here. my mother hasn't convinced my dad about marriage counscilling sessions yet. i told her not to give up or be afraid. but i'm not always this patient and nice, half the time when she comes running to me with all her problems.. marriage problems specifically... it never fails to drive me up the walls. i just sit and listen and bear the horrible things that she is unable to bear alone... i don't really feel exactly like a grown up now. never ever. if i had assumed that of myself, i must have been an idiot once.

but if i can tell her not to give up and not be afraid about where her marriage with my dad is heading too, then perhaps i can do with some of that positivism for myself. except, i'm more often angry and irritated than scared. anyway, tonight i'm having dinner once again with family (ooh by the way the brix family dinner incident didn't happen for me. i went home coz i felt too tired to hang out longer outside) at my sister's house and she's making meatballs. and as always, you guess it, i have family jitters again. which is really weird for those who know me, coz my family is always pretty big on the idea of the entire family gathering together and having dinners and stuff. but somehow, i never really got the hang of it. i'm just an odd case perhaps. but each time, when there's a gathering, the only thing that makes me end up right at the side of the dinner table is the thought that i have not and might not always have the opportunity to spend time with them. and i don't want to regret the time when we do sit together.. especially since my parents nearly (and still seem to be heading to) broke up... i don't really think i should start to avoid the family now.

but screw responsibilities sometimes. i think growing up is really about handling the perpetual hang over of teenage angst. if nothing else, that's hard enough for me.

posted by happyhannon at 10:11 AM