north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

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Tuesday, July 23, 2002

well my friend ever said this of me once that my weakness is i'm too emotionally intense for my own good. not in those same words but something like that. this happened a month back or so and lately i've just been thinking through what he said.

i've also taken out my recorder... you know the plastic instrument that you play in primary/secondary school? it's been quite a relief and much fun to just finger it and play a few notes. i haven't for the longest time thought about making any music. i still want to do something abt my desire but i know it's just not the time yet. i'm talking about this coz not too long ago, i bought this amazing christian worship cd entitled "new season". i admit i'm still pretty hung up over it coz it's super cool to praise God in gospel,soul, latin style. i'm definately not some nigress wannabe but my heart just moves to the beat. that's as much as i can describe to you without getting too mushy over it.

and one day just after listening to the cd, i sat down and looked out of my big living room window. feeling really happy and contented inside - so much so - i felt a song was needed so i started to sing and before i knew it, unconsciously and automatically, i started praising God. It happened so suddenly that i stopped for a while to digest what i just did. i didn't resume my singing coz i was simply amazed at the words and tunes that were coming out of me... that i felt i could not duplicate it at all. it's a part of me i guess that i need to reconnect to, in order that a kind of music can flow out.

well hope that wasn't too spaced out for everyone. anyway, my neighbours get the full works of it coz i don't really hold back much of the singing. they're pretty amazing coz they haven't complained so far but i feel alittle embarass whenever i meet them. :) my neighbour on the right side of my apartment (just the next block) also has some shit that i have to put up with. the ole man smokes and the cigs smell comes in through the small ventilator window in my toilet, through the corridor where i regularly hang out in with my com, into my room. grrgrr. can my singing be compared to his smoking..

i don't really know. :)

posted by happyhannon at 4:26 PM