north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

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Sunday, July 28, 2002

this is my predicament. today when i went to the auto-teller machine, it told me that the money that my mum has put in for my next month allowance has not come through. officially at that point in time, i had only $3.80.
i gave one buck for offering. thinking that i could call my parents later as they said they were going out for lunch. that means that i get a free lunch. zero bucks spent. i'm safe.

turns out.
i couldn't reach my parents. so i had $2.80 left.
i donated 20 cents to the guys standing by the road collecting change for charity. except my 20cents was not change to me.
i bought a $1 pastry for lunch leaving me what... crunching the numbers... $1.60 left.

just nice for a bus trip back home later, after a 2 o'clock meeting. my bf asks me how it feels like to be poor. hell. i told him. i've always been poor. just that no one really bothers to find out and i don't bother to tell anyone. and... the best part. i don't really look that poor. i'm typing this entry using the internet available in the library, that uses up my cash card. electronic cash that adds up to what..

$1.40?

it's gonna be one hell of a long day. i don't really know what i'm going to do. i have 35 min to spend. i'm in my sanctuary. the library. how ironic. that i didn't approach the church for help when i'm part of it. instead, i'm in a government building where the safe anonimity comforts me. if i approach the church, i feel embarass to even admit i'm poor. i feel embarass to say that my church friend owes me $8 i think.. the supposedly most liberating place on earth, the place where people are supposed to help the poor, look out for each other, for the outcast...

hmm.. then again, if i only opened my mouth to my "friend" and asked to borrow some cash for lunch, perhaps i won't be in this predicament. but the problem is... i know only many people in church, quite superficially. to me, that disqualifies me from asking them something as personal as money. i don't know. i'm just some freak here that my sister says i am.

posted by happyhannon at 1:19 PM