north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

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Saturday, June 15, 2002

everything happened way to suddenly. i was on my bed. in the brink of twilight zone and brilliant tuesday morning. heard my parents quarrelling. heard my mum being sarcastic to my dad about an affair he had..
an affair?
i'm dreaming. i'm still counting sheep. my bedroom door opens several times. my mum is checking whether i'm really asleep. but i'm feigning it. i know wat's going on. but i want my mind to zonk out. i want to just laugh over what i tht was psycho-paranoai of my mum.
then confession. i hear it. my sis hears it. and her husband too. and i can't think.

it's been two days since then.

two blardy long days. everyday i just beat back my need to detach myself.
everyday i cry over the phone to my bf. and i've not cried enough. i don't care really.
everyday i remain silent as both parties start on guilt trips and confessions and blardy shit dirty laundry.
everyday it just eats me up and then.
i've really got nothing. or anyone to understand. to hold me. to tell me that damn it girl. you're paranoid. it's going to be alright.
find i'm in my lulu land. so shit you ok.

posted by happyhannon at 3:00 AM