north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

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Saturday, June 15, 2002

coz my dad had an affair. and my mum is psycho-pissed. and i'm stuck in the middle of both of them. and the worst part.
i'm not 5 anymore.
i can't just cry it all away. flare my tantrums.
i'm not 14 anymore.
i can't run away. take a bus. find solace in a cafe.
i'm not 18 anymore.
i can't make impulsive decisions with my life with the same spontaneity and naivity of consequences. damn damn.
i'm a sickening 20.
one more age to legal adult hood.
which means less protection from the law.
which means you're free.
which means you're parents aren't going to stay together "becos of the kids"
which means everyone expects you to "grow up" and "understand" and act all
disgustingly poised and calm.

i hate the system.
i hate the stupid statistics that says blah(any stupid no.) out of every blah (another cursed number) marriage ends up in divorce.
i hate the curses, the predictions, the reality of it all.

*just sad and really tired at 3am*

posted by happyhannon at 2:52 AM