north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.

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Saturday, May 11, 2002

i'mback from church again. The pastor benny ho was preaching about the book of jonah. this message touched me and made me wake up to the life that is around me.. passing by or just staring at me...
(paraphrasing here)
"one has to dislodge the enemies in our lives and pay the price of holiness and purity. we must ask God also to put the love for our cities in our heart too."
at one point u might have heard me say that i can't wait to get out of singapore - its authoritarian, paternalistic ways - to go explore and carve out a niche for myself in that big, open and free spaces of the world.

but now i think that no matter where you go, if the insides of you don't get an overhaul, you'll most probably be carrying your own prison cell around you whether you're in tahiti or timbatu. then again... i'm staying in Singapore because i tell you... something about the way the sky looks here, the buildings even in their clone like appearances (HDB) or wierd architectural dissonance because of the way the styles really clash (eg: colonial vs. advant garde)... and the people! the people all brown black yellow white "chapalang" Malay for mixture) ... my family.. my friends.

my whole life is here. issues that singaporeans grapple with like what i've just said the paternalistic, over-protective paranoid government really moves me more than anything else. this must be one of God's special tricks to get you to love something that you started out hating in the beginning.

but it's all worth it. obeying and honoring God's wishes are probably the best ways to live life.
just an ending note. i did really well for a couple of subjects in school even though i was busy helping out in setting up the NUS out reach event. i got an A+ for one assignment and an A for another which was a 3000 word essay that took me one night to finish. started work at 8pm and ended at 4am. i never want to do this again believe me but it's simply amazing isn't it... so trust God, honor him and things will work out for you. paddle on peeps...

posted by happyhannon at 1:01 AM