krunchypeanuts

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

i am dreading to do my lesson plans so tt's why i'm here. 2 weeks overdue and there's the possibility my supervisor is coming to school tomorrow for an end of practicum assessment briefing. I am To@st if my work productivity continues at this rate.

today.. i have come to understand.. experience rather.. the reality of the saying (hope i got it right but if i didn't, you'll tell me right :0))

The road to hell is paved with many good intentions

I realise that my good intentions and my so called best efforts, will not save the day any longer in terms of my class management. There always seems to be moments during my teaching where i had to decide: whether i wanted to admit that all that i have assumed, all that i have been zealous for is wrong or inappropriate for the moment. And i find when i admit that and accept the changes and corrections that come with it, my understanding of the situation increases. There was one time when i did that, and it backfired in my face which is to say, i should have just stuck to my guns. But most of the time it has worked out for the best.

I'm learning all this by just turning up for school and teaching 3 classes. And i think that this is something I want more of, even though it's very uncomfortable and humiliating/humbling (really the same thing i think). My sore-losing streak is severely tempered and im building the confidence to face my mistakes and not shrink back, find that dark little corner and sob sob sob.

Feel like Paul. I am not him but i think, i have come closer to understand a little of what Paul must have gone through after his experience on the road to Damascus. Your senses and mind are shakened to the core; You'll sit there dazed and nothing goes through your mind even when you try to think. But how blessed is that revelation when it has been worked out in our hearts, in our souls, in our minds and understanding, and in our spirits. What manner of strength, grace and faith is given to us so undeservingly that we are able to hope and to love in great measures despite the circumstances.

alright. zip.com gotta go now and finish lesson plans.

posted by happyhannon at 8:25 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

hmm... i don't know what to make of myself as a teacher anymore. it could just be insecurity at work.. it could just be the truth.

it all started on the first day of my NIE supervisor observation. i was grossly unprepared. i had serious cramps the night before and had planned my lesson in my drugged out state. Then, my senior teacher did not accompany my supervisor into the class which sadly meant that the class was up to its usual tricks: being inattentive, requiring multiple disciplinings and warnings from me and the lesson progressing at a very slow pace.

The most interesting part of the lesson was not only just my abysmal classroom management but my forgetting that the lesson ended at 0850 and not 0835. whooppee. i dismissed the class 15 minutes before the period ended.

So now apparently this amusing episode is circulating around the staffroom. I was approached today by one of the staff (whose name i didn't even know at first) about this particular class and about this particular episode. During our exchange, he did not put me down or offer those seemingly helpful and constructive but ego-damaging remarks. Still, i can't help but wonder... who else would know about the situation? What are people thinking about me now?

Anyway since that disasterous lesson observation, i decided to be extra kiasu. You know like prepare lesson ahead of time, getting my senior teachers to vet my lesson plan and give me feedback. Of course, i had higher expectations, greater hopes that my next observation by my NIE supervisor would have a much happier outcome.

Well, let's put it this way. I have just had my lesson observation. I received at least some positive remarks. I was told my classroom management skills had improved... but of course not a very objective statement to make since the senior teacher was there and the kids got smarter. Then i was told that my lesson failed in its objectives... even though i had 2 senior teachers to vet it and made the recommended changes. But that's ok. The worst part of the feedback session was when my supervisor and senior teacher said that they liked my positive attitude and hoped to see me teach for the next few decades...

How blardy long more can i have a positive attitude if my teaching does not improve?? What in the world has a positive attitude got to do with being a good teacher, if for the life of me, i can't seem to translate that attitude into "positive" results?

i know this was not the effect they intended. They most probably wanted to sound encouraging but seriously, i feel like i'm the fourth runner up in some beauty paegant. Somehow the fourth runner up title is so redundant. No one wants to know the fourth runner up. Get on with the programme and crown THE beauty.

perhaps i need an attitude readjustment. But seriously, so what?

posted by happyhannon at 7:27 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Sonnet xix: When I consider how my light is spent

When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodg'd with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest he returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies: "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts: who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed
And post o'er land and ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait.

John Milton

Hi i know i haven't written in a while. and of course lots of things have happened, just like what the title of a clint eastwood movie says "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly". But now it's not the time to write about it. I'm at work, in school and i've got an observation later. So, thought i'll share first this poem. pretty inspirational to me in these times. see you later..

posted by happyhannon at 10:26 AM 0 comments

krunchypeanuts...once u pop u can't stop...daily trivia with a dose of social responsibility...a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down...let's say we try...oh Lord how we try...