krunchypeanuts

Thursday, February 27, 2003

aloha! if you're wondering, i'm alive and well. i've been whining to many people these past few days how i'm so not enjoying my break, busy with projects, assignments etc. well thank God coz i oso got sick of it myself and now i'm just.. happy. :) hannon was commenting that i seem to get so freakin excited o'er little things. i was oooing and ahhhing over the new lip balm in body shop, gushing along with the salesgirl how amazing a little tub of goo can be. but i'm just glad to be glad about the little things, even though that means i will look geena and silly. as i finished up my report with my friend, we cracked the most incredibly corny jokes that made me laughed so hard and carefree... i can't even remember when i had such a good laugh.

I guess many things are changing for me. i never thought i'll want to teach but now i do. i have applied to MOE and they have just sent me a letter of acknowledgement. i'll be waiting for the interview... Then i've also recently realised how pleasing others can be such a chore. I didn't go for my church prayer meeting because i was tired. But the whole mental struggle i had to go through to reach such a simple conclusion would make your mind boggle. Cutting the long story short, I realised I was striving to be the best, "the best" as defined by most people. But sometimes the standards are so regimental that if you don't do this or that, you'll not be fit for anything better. Worse, i just had no real desire to follow all these standards and found myself, dragging my ass to do these things becoz if i don't do them, i'll be judged by people...

So i'm sick of all these mind games and psycho-chains. i know what i have to do. i just have to do those things that i know are right, even though no one thinks they're worth doing and even mistake them as mere "distractions" from the real goals in life. Well guess what, i didn't go to the church meeting so i could meet my boyfriend, encourage him in his work, find out more about his spiritual life. At the same time, i managed to reach home early and get my school work done. He met me too because he didn't want to sit with his colleagues and drink the entire night away.

I hope i've taken a step forward and broke several chains that have made my life several shades greyer. :)
aND now b@ck to wORK...

posted by happyhannon at 10:35 PM 0 comments

Saturday, February 22, 2003

this has been a long but truly heart-warming night. in cell group today we really managed to talk about all the things that were in our hearts and shared them with one another. so... this is my little sharing with you today too. :) it will be quite long but nevertheless a good read for the day, enjoy.

Song of Solomons 5:2-16
The Shulamite
I sleep, but my heart is awake;
It is the voice of my beloved!
He knocks, saying,
"Open for me, my sister, my love,
My dove, my perfect one;
For my head is covered with dew,
My locks with the drops of the night."

I have taken off my robe;
How can I put it on again?
I have washed my feet;
How can I defile them?
My beloved put his hand
By the latch of the door,
And my heart yearned for him.
I arose to open for my beloved,
And my hands dripped with myrrh,
My fingers with liquid myrrh,
On the handles of the lock.

I opened for my beloved,
But my beloved had turned away and was
gone.
My heart leaped up when he spoke.
I sought him, but I could not find him;
I called him, but he gave me no answer.
The watchmen who went about the city
found me.
They struck me, they wounded me;
The keepers of the walls
Took my veil away from me.
I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
If you find my beloved,
That you tell him I am lovesick!

The Daughters of Jerusalem
What is your beloved
More than another beloved,
O fairest among women?
What is your beloved
More than another beloved,
That you so charge us?

The Shulamite
My beloved is white and ruddy,
Chief among ten thousand.
His head is like the finest gold;
His locks are wavy,
And black as raven.
His eyes are like doves
By the rivers of waters,
Washed with milk,
And fitly set.
His cheeks are like a bed of spices,
Banks of scented herbs.
His lips are lilies,
Dripping liquid myrrh.

His hands are rods of gold
Set with beryl.
His body is carved ivory
Inlaid with sapphires.
His legs are pillars of marble
Set on bases of fine gold.
His countenance is like Lebanon.
Excellent as the cedars.
His mouth is most sweet.
Yes, he is altogether lovely.
This is my beloved.
And this is my friend,
O daughters of Jerusalem!

posted by happyhannon at 1:03 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

you won't believe and i won't believe it either. yesterday i got so freaking mad with my parents that i had a nosebleed. they came home at 9pm without the porridge and i just lost it. my boyfriend wasn't surprised though. i yelled once, stomped out of the house to the hawker centre, sniffing away. Only when i returned home, i realised it was blood i was sniffing back... i felt much better, with blood on my hands, opening the door, emptying the porridge into a bowl and slamming the door of my room.
hmm. that's about it for now. that was just to whet my appetite to write my ISM journal on poetry. till then ~

I'm terza rima, and I talk and smile.
Where others lock their rhymes and thoughts away
I let mine out, and chatter all the while.

I'm rarely on my own - a wasted day
Is any day that's spent without a friend,
With nothing much to do or hear or say.

I like to be with people, and depend
On company for being entertained;
Which seems a good solution, in the end.
What Poetry Form Are You?

posted by happyhannon at 12:24 PM 0 comments

Monday, February 17, 2003

it's a glorious 7.50am and i've been awaked for about 2 hours. supposed to go to school early, hitch a ride with dad but this is the first day of my periods which means cR@mp time..

but it's strange now coming to 2 hours. there's no cramp in sight.. sigH. i might have to make that trip to school afterall. i loved my valentine's day. :) actually happy with my babes you know, coz most of the time you'll hear me whining how unromantic he is, how non-chalant he seems to be when i suggest to do something new... well on v-day we at least did something new. we watched a movie and dropped by at newton to eat bbq stingray and satay... yums yums. i know that's nothing much and many would already think (if they haven't) i lead an exceedingly boring life. but that's good right, at least i'm easily pleased. :)

speaking of easily pleased and doing things for the first time, i took a bus from his house for the first time in a long long while. most of the time i just take a cab. walking back the long stretch of pavement all the way to my house, the road was quiet at about 11.15pm. you really hear the crickets, the frogs, the chirrupings and ribbittings these little crackers make. it was loud. a long drone into the night. the night seemed an early morning. you really forget that the night can have such a racous at this hour. then the sudden dash of cars, speeding fast from the green traffic light blocks out all these animal noises and you hear the harsh wash of noise against your ears. When they are gone or stalled at the next red light up ahead, you hear those crickets and frogs still going at it. I imagine like virgin rainforests and jungles. how spooky it might have been, if i found myself walking through thru the jungle late at night where the voices in my head might drown out the frantic communication between crickets... i wish i was in that jungle, if only for a while, then heading back home, returning to my routines..

posted by happyhannon at 8:07 AM 0 comments

Thursday, February 13, 2003

more smells coming your way!!...

tonight the smell is damp earth, leaves, a little of flowers, perhaps the woody smell of tree trunks. wonderful. sans the daily steam of mortar and concrete. sans the gasoline and body sweat, cooking fumes...
when our singaporean sky is lit up only by a half-moon and satellites, you can't really ask for much but you can or at least I can be very happy with the little things.

finishing my journal entry. it's 1.30am. time to snooze...

posted by happyhannon at 1:28 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

You are a Dubliner.

What's your Inner European?
brought to you by Quizilla

i got this quiz from this blog magnolia coffee. will most probably add to my goodolelinks section some time but not now... cannot procrastin@te!! must wORk.. aaarrgh`

posted by happyhannon at 11:35 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

typing away my fourth journal entry for my Literature ISM in AS7. and when i stepped out to print my notes, the smell of the corridor reminded me of what was once the tower books but now a furniture shop, in pacific plaza. it smelled exactly like that. a bit like clothes not washed for a week, the same smell of body odours .. perhaps of someone you love which makes it more than bearable. i don't know why but i'm quite addicted to smells. and this is one smell that is worth more than the bringing back of memories, idling in the first bookstore in Singapore that held the most titles of magazines and alternative ones of movies, books etc. before the mayhem of borders and kinokuniya... i love going there on rainy days in the afternoon. it seemed always the perfect time to drop by, with hardly anyone around... get a corner and a book and read... that was my teenage years and when shops come and go, places change and fashion fads remain as torrid as ever, you know it's time to move on but only on the sides now. Now the kids are wearing the things you'll be if you were their age, wondering and chasing after fads you know if you were their age, you'll be doing the same things to some degree at least... Still, you have to move on now.

but this smell is not just comforting. comforting can get quite boring afterawhile. it is what i still like. it is a present like. it is something that strikes my neurons in the same patterns again and again. hehe. wAT a feTISh...

posted by happyhannon at 2:30 PM 0 comments

krunchypeanuts...once u pop u can't stop...daily trivia with a dose of social responsibility...a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down...let's say we try...oh Lord how we try...