Monday, October 31, 2005
today being the first day of the holidays for me, i'll still be going back to school for a meeting with my debating members. And that, I'll do joyfully without complaining because it is His will that I am there, and even in this school. 31st october 2005
had my second day of assessing oral presentation for the J1 students. I'm pretty tired from listening and grading all the presentations. the only thing that consoles me through the exhausting work is this strange thought that i'm a responsible working adult; i'm not a student anymore who can take a day off anytime. My exhaustion, my fatigue is simply that of a natural consequence of being responsible, a small consequence to pay for, what i believe, is the greater good that i'm doing and achieving more for others than myself.
I'm on my way to church for the singapore@prayer session. this is the first in a long time since i've gone for the meeting. and i nearly backed out of going just half an hour ago. After the 8am-3.30pm period of assessment, i was feeling mentally tired but at the same time, rather restless. Times like these are so confusing and...disconcerting: i can't control the way i feel; i can't reason out why i feel this way. Worse of all, i can't bear to take a break, return home and sleep. Being in this state, i took a train to orchard and bought myself a donut at the takashimaya food court. found myself wondering in the ladies department, trying to finish off my donut before i could enter kino and grab a mag to read. But reading the mag only made my restlessness worse. So many alternatives and choices flooded my mind and it was rather overwhelming. i could go and treat myself to a good meal. i could take a nice walk around my neighbourhood and explore it. i could go for a pedicure, buy a cd, buy more clothes, get a thought-provoking book, start writing again and dont put it off this time, simply disappear for a while on a bus journey or train journey to nowhere and return home only to sleep...
But somehow by the grace of God, i'm now in front of the com in the orchard library, having read through an encouraging email my friend send me, and feeling much more clear headed, less confused, overwhelmed and generally in good spirits again. I'm glad that He is merciful in my times of weakness. by the way, i'm reading spurgeon's devotions every morning. it's amazing stuff. i'm trying to find his exposition on psalms. i'll find it slowly and not rush off to search it on amazon. The desire to acquire must lay dormant for awhile. i need my peace of mind more. today 5.51pm orchard library
