Wednesday, September 14, 2005
thanks to all for your encouragement and kind words! Well, i'm coping much better now after i've come to realise and accept certain things. I did pray about whether i should change my CCA but i did not the feel the peace to do so and as i prayed, I believed He has strengthened me to accept what is before me, as something that He has entrusted me with. Just knowing that He is on my side makes a world of a difference.
Anyway, guess what. I'm typing this on my new com in my new house. *squeal* Yeah I've finally got my new house but sadly, i cannot move in as yet because my husband and i have been so busy over the week with work that we can't pack up enough stuff to move over. Hopefully by this weekend we will move into our new house... I've still a stack of essays to mark by this week. Another "hopefully", I can finish it also by this week... though hmm...
i don't think it's possible. sorry, just thinking aloud there.
I wish i can do greater things than what i'm capable of right now. I want to be a better teacher; i want to be a better writer; i want to be a better wife; i want to be a better sister; i want to be a better worker of God.
Better in the sense that i can be of more use to those around me and influence positive changes in the lives of those i love. I admit i can't really see now how i'm useful to anybody at the moment. It feels at times that i'm taking one step after another in the dark. How strange that after my marriage, i feel that my life, aspirations and dreams are becoming uncertain in the sense of them being fulfilled or even in the sense of them being what they are. I know i'm changing but for the better? I know i'm changing but is it out of my own will or as the perennial question presents itself to all of us at moments of our life... is He with us?
I was reading the other day on Dr. Brian Bailey's exposition on the gospels, in particular his interpretation of the temptation of Christ. Jesus was tempted by Satan twice to prove that he was the son of God. Then interpreting from this episode, Dr Brian Bailey wrote that one of the weapons of the enemy used against christians is that of doubt. I do know the answer to that question "is He with us?" in my head but tonight, my eyes just can't see the heavenly city that pilgrims journey to.
