north-american possums! work fatigue grouses; singaporean; ex-poet and writer; former convent girl; converted, convicted and painfully quiet; bibliophilic; skyscrapers; weather-talk; dining alone on sashimi; your life with Jesus; banging heads with problems; looking from afar; loving my xiongmao; peanuts & anchovies; battlestar galatica; novella dreams and paranoai: holding onto you.
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Monday, January 31, 2005
surreal. "Rooms by the sea" by Edward Hopper combines all the things in this confusing world that make sense to me. architecture, strong bold lines, light, the unending sea, lonely apartments and always, that open door...
Saturday, January 29, 2005
activities of the day are slowly winding down. all that i have left to do is to prepare for the prayer meeting tomorrow, take a shower and sleep. Although i have not checked my yahoo mail account for ages, i don't feel like answering or sending out any emails at the moment. i don't feel like making or answering any more calls. i feel i've once again been doing too many things, thinking about too many things. i want to be still and trying hard not to let my thoughts leap too far ahead of me. There's finally a moment i'm alone, a brief moment when the future does not seem so impending and patiently waits its turn, but yet i just can't keep still.
this verse keeps coming back to me.Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,
Like a weaned child with his mother;
Like a weaned child is my soul within me. Psalm131:2
So i'll be going off now and try to be still. Just an update on the current marriage preparations: hannon and i have just seen a flat that we may buy. We can't say that we like it very much but then again, we don't have any major issue about it. Well, ironically i got what i have wished for a long time ago, only to find out that this is perhaps not what i want right now. I used to wish that I could live in those peranakan shop houses and wake up to the hustle and bustle of the little shops and markets. The air romantically glazed in the pale morning light, i will walk down the staircase of my apartment in my slippers and rumpled home clothes to have my morning breakfast of teh tarik and kayah toast. And now, i've almost got everything i'd wished before in my ignorant and idealistic past. Hee hee.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Sitting here, waiting for my transport to church later. I feel that i should write something about the recent tsunami attacks. At the very least, to perhaps state my position and opinion on this event and the purpose of God. I'll be trying my very best but i must say, this is so far what i can understand.
If u can remember a chapter of the bible that said Abraham stood infront of God and interceded for the city of Sodom and Gomorrah, He first asked God to spare the city if there were 50 righteousness men. And when God couldn't find 50, Abraham lowered the number to 45, decreasing by 5 everytime God couldn't find the number until Abraham reached 10.
The end of the story was that God could not find 10 righteousness men to spare the city and destroyed it, saving only Lot (Abraham's nephew) and his family. I think that this is a perfect illustration of why the disaster could not be adverted. There was firstly the great injustice in the lands that called out for justice from God. And not only that, there was an absence of righteous men to stand before God and intercede for the land. If God could say of Nineveh, one of the most wicked nations that oppressed the lands around them including Israel, "Should I not be concerned about that great city?", it is not logically possible that God executed the recent act of judgement in wrath and completely devoid of compassion. What stays the hand of God has always been the presence of righteous people who knew what God was about to do and interceded for the people that God wanted to judge.
In the same story of sodom/Gommorah and Abraham, even God asked Himself the question whether He should reveal to Abraham what He was about to do to the nation. Before God does anything, He reveals it to His prophets. (Amos3:7)Surely the Sovereign Lord does nothing without revealing his plan to his servants the prophets. But even more significantly, why did God asked Himself that question? I would think that it is because He knows that Abraham is going to intercede for the land and on Abraham's behalf, God would have to pardon the land. Other extraordinary acts of forgiveness by God because of people who interceded was also that of Moses. God had wanted to wipe out the entire nation of Israel and make a new nation out of Moses but Moses interceded on behalf on the people and he succeeded.
Is this to say that the tsunami is a result of a lack of prayer, a lack of intercession by God's people, a profound sense of even deafness and sensitivity of God's people to what He is doing? I would think so. And I would think it is also the great absence of righteousness that caused evil to prevail and God's judgement to come upon the earth. It is so easy to let evil run its course and the "righteous" man to shut his eyes to it. I see that even in my life. Where the truth could have easily set me and others free in certain circumstances, my fear of men and the desire to be pleasing to others have shackled me instead. How many times have we just let things "slide" and not present the truth in love and humility, with passion and fervour?
I feel that the tsunami is a testament to the insensitivity of Christians to the God they profess to be omnipotent and almighty because in our countless testimonies of the miracles of God, we have only demonstrated a superficiality that ranks of the flesh and has nothing to do with the glory, holiness and magnificence of God. I am equally guilty of this and i see ahead of me such a very long and hard road to journey. At turns, i cringe at the prospect of "It's no longer I that live, but Christ who lives in me". But i do see that all around me, there is a desire for something that is true and genuine to whatever the cause or purpose that person has chosen. The earth is literally in its birth pangs, not only from the tsunami but also, from the acute awareness that there seems nothing on earth that can answer their questions anymore. And if we as christians call ourselves to be ambassadors of Christ, how can we not answer the call?
Thursday, January 13, 2005
it's my 2nd time here, sitting at this particular spot in the NIE library. What's good about this place? It's often vacant. There is hardly anyone sitting near you and sometimes, i just need that space to be alone and not continuously bump into familiar people. hmm hmm. I'm actually right in the middle of a testing, whether i can secretly eat in peace here, without detection. I've got absolutely scrumptious baguette snack that i bought at the NIE co-op. rather expensive at 2 bucks but very shiok and so crunchy. beats an ordinary pack of chips anytime. plus, it has a handy sticky strip for you to seal the packet and its natural goodness. mmm mm..lastly, there's an edward hopper painting (the one to your left) and i'm glad for its company. i like his stuff and how he articulates urbanism and the isolation/ loneliness that lingers in his work like "chopsuey" and "nighthawk". but his nature paintings are good too. btw, the painting on the wall is called "house and boats". wonder what possessed the librarians to select this painting in the first place...
Saturday, January 08, 2005
absolutely yummy. seaweed in nice elegant wrapping from japan. the wave design on the packaging looks like a famous japanese painting or rather print. can't remember the artist's name. feeling very sleepy at the moment and also quite guilty. I've not answered a few sms from my friends coz of procrastination and sheer laziness. even as i speak, i am fighting off the urge to just put the replying of smses off again. arrgh...
Thursday, January 06, 2005
this is the bus stop where i will spend at least 1/2 hr every sunday, waiting for the 853 that my babes is sitting to arrive. i think i'm going to miss it very much when i move out. there's a large green field to your right and mynahs hop about, oftentimes in pairs, finding grubs. my liking for huge raintrees was also fostered right here. hmm.. i remember the first time i met hannon here as his newly official gf. nice place.. nice memories..
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
this is my first post for the new year and it seems, i don't have much time to write this. Tonight there is a prayer gathering of all churches to pray for the tsunami victims. It will be held at my church. I think it will be quite exciting. In the mean time, i have begun to attend the china prayer group that meets every monday. That is another long story for me to think through and narrate later to you.
The school term has begun at NIE. Some classes cancelled for first week so i'm pretty fancy free and happy. I don't know at the end of my machiavellian course whether i'll regret taking it but it's rather interesting. Quite a number of people seem to hold quite a strong opinion about "The Prince". Some studied the text during college. I've heard of its notoriety but never come close to reading it. Finishing the 830 class that monday, I left with my friend who appeared to be ruffled by some things my tutor said about the text. I was interested to know her thoughts. She did not decline me outrightly but said that it's no point reading the text in that manner (hers) if it differs from the tutor, since all is ever required is to be acquainted with what my tutor says.
The word "Required" is so loaded. It's not so much of determining when is the appropriate moment to follow or go beyond the requirements. I think when we hear the word "requirements", our thoughts are intuitively revolved around our own intentions, not so much with the requirements of the task.
e.g. if our intention is just to get a good grade, then we'll see requirements as something unquestionable and even helpful in attaining our goals.
Well my intention is pretty clear and perhaps very simple. i may question "what is required" all i want but when it comes down to doing the work, my intention is to do the best of my ability so that I honor God.
alright. bullocks of crap here. gotta tidy the house and rush off. i think i'm going to be late..
krunchypeanuts...once u pop u can't stop...daily trivia with a dose of social responsibility...a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down...let's say we try...oh Lord how we try...