krunchypeanuts

Monday, August 23, 2004

The commotion has died down and my heart is beating at a regular pace. I am tiring easily these few days. week days are packed with school activities. It almost feels illegal to just spend time relaxing, stoning and not doing anything significant.

I don't agree that we should have a casino in Singapore. Experiencing first hand how gambling has made my family life topsy turvy really cements the strong emotions i have against any form of gambling. You might say that i'm over-reacting but blame it on an obstinate will, any ounce of gambling is just bad news to me. Gambling is a cover up for deep seated problems and vices. Adultery, murder and covetousness... one needs only a little imagination, and if you need more help than the ordinary person then a drama series, to make the necessary connections.

Give the devil a foot and he'll take a whole yard.

I found some peace just riding the train home. Looking behind my shoulders through the long horizontal pane of glass, breathing in the air conditioned air and feeling like an astronaut in a crumbling space station, i see that the sky, the horizon and the light are once again in perfect harmony. I can't even control my thoughts anymore as they race to the foregone conclusion: how precious are the sum of God's thoughts towards me, that He would even think of me and bother to sit with me even in my frailties, is more than i can ever hope for or dream of from anyone.

posted by happyhannon at 10:42 PM 0 comments

i can't begin how to describe this day. UURGGH. i have done one of the most incredulously stupid and ridiculous thing. I can't imagine anyone else who's like me.

You see i forgot to cancel my driving lesson and as a result, i've spent 58 bucks for nothing. money is not such a big deal to me. it's the forgetfulness or the inaneness of this damn business that's making me feel really sick in my tummy. now, my blood is rushing to my neck and i'm really feeling quite nauseas.

It's not like there weren't any warning signs. in fact, today i woke up with the premonition that something of this nature was going to happen. But i suppressed the thought and went on doing the thousand and one things i had planned in the morning. My dad is also on my case for repeatedly not covering the printer properly. It's just putting a stupid damn orange cloth over it and i apparently am incapable of doing so, which prompted him today to write on our family notice board "GIVE UP ON YOU."

Yup, capital letters with exclamation mark. But i'm reaching a point where the sinking feeling in my heart is telling me that no matter what dramatic situation i'll be thrown in, it'll still be a long time coming before i can really change.

RANT. i hate ...

posted by happyhannon at 2:54 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

This is how i feel today.

Psalm119:25 (NASV)
My soul cleaves to the dust;
Revive me according to Your word.

Have to admit that i'm getting tired with the work, strict regiment of MOE/NIE. Perhaps, I'm exaggerating. After all, I can't seem to reach my friend to change our 830 meeting. I am certainly in no shape for another 830 appointment. Trying to recover from the bout of flue i had over the weekend, getting a little better but there's still lots of gunk running up and down my nasal passages. My throat gets tickled at the most inopportune moment and the next thing i know, i'm heading out of the class room, feeling strangled and gagged, gasping for air *hack*.

only good thing about today was when i read my bible in the morning and enjoyed God's presence during the prayer meeting in school. For the first time, i could literally sense all of my worries, anxieties and emotional turmoil taking a turn at the door of the meeting room and never rearing their ugly heads once until the worship ended. I just felt so focused, so clear headed and amazingly rested as i gamely but terokly sang the worship songs. My mind would normally wander but this time all of its thoughts just got tuned out and i was on another frequency.

How i wish i can switch the frequency of my thoughts just like that. Right now, they're running amok and i feel overwhelmed. I can't seem to start on my work but I know that the faster i get the assignment done, the sooner i can hit the snooze button.

Sorry i haven't been writing much because of my busy schedule which can get worse when there's an unexpected turn of events... like... my sister giving birth. i will always remember sitting at the visitor's lounge, trying desperately to stop my nose from dripping, seeing my sister being wheeled out after the birth with lil tyron in her arms, then the heartaches when i could not be there to cradle him because of my sniffles... grrr..

i don't think i can take any more crap tonight. i'm even getting irritated by innocent phone callers.sorry... God, help>

posted by happyhannon at 10:14 PM 0 comments

krunchypeanuts...once u pop u can't stop...daily trivia with a dose of social responsibility...a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down...let's say we try...oh Lord how we try...